Sometimes I feel so fucking trapped I JUST WANNA SCREAM.
Elizabethtown is my favorite movie in the entire world, and every time I watch it, it reminds me how much I fucking love life. I love breathing, feeling, laughing. I love loving. I love.. living.
I want so badly for this to be something it’s not. Why is it not? I don’t understand. I’m doing everything right. Patience of a saint, heart of a lion — does any of it matter? Does anything I fucking feel even matter?
Well, wait. Of course it does, because I would never lessen the importance anything I feel this strongly about. Especially now, when all I feel is love, love so overwhelming it makes my heart ache when I sit and think of it. This is not all for nothing, and no love is ever wasted. These things I know for certain.
I will never leave your side.
But I like you, and we understand each other
And together, we can take this world on
- I love that it’s so warm outside, but thinking about the reasons why just kinda makes me feel bad. Global warming and all that shit .. *sigh*
- But, because of the warmness, I’ve been craving summer activity. I wanna swim and feel the sun on my skin, I wanna go hiking one weekend, roam the streets of Manhattan the next. Come on, summer. You’re not too far out of reach.
- Feeling a little unloved these days. I don’t wanna be appear all “woe is me”, but I don’t know, I just need a little lovin’, a little boost of sorts.
- I always go to say, “I wish I had someone to kiss” or “I wish I had someone to hold me tight”, but I don’t want just anyone. I only really want Jay. And, if I can’t have him or his intentions to do those things, I don’t wish for anyone or anything at all. I’m devoted to my feelings, to say the least. In my eyes, there’s nothing more important.
- I sometimes wish my writing was more .. poetic? I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess I’m just trying to say I wish I could write better.
- This year is going to be so wonderful for music. So many good albums have been released thus far, I’m stoked on all that’s to come.
- I’ve seen the boys a lot these past two weeks. That makes me feel better. I think sometimes when you have people in your life for so long, it’s easy to forget how deeply they’ve impacted you, or how much you benefit from their being around. Life gets in the way more often than we’d like to admit. I’m sorry, boys. Let’s pick up where we left off?
The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking. Separate them from the situation, which is always neutral. It is as it is.
There are some truly good people in this world— selfless, respectful, they just want everyone to be happy. Then, of course, there are those people who believe they’re a good person, and they advertise themselves as such, just so that they’re not alone. So far, I have done nothing but try to surround myself with truly good people. Sadly, I’ve discovered it is not as easy as I’d hoped, for am I the one left in the dirt right now, and still deciding whether or not I’m upset with myself, or them, for being here. Sometimes you cannot help the situation you’re put into. I know that for certain. But most times, if you’re willing to fight for what you deserve, you won’t end up in situations like this at all. Now, the burning question in my mind these days:
What if fighting for what you deserve comes at a cost to others? How are you then to decide what you deserve, and what you don’t deserve?
I’m still searching for, figuring out the answers. This is when I place my faith in every aspect of this universe, because I still believe in all the good things this life has yet to offer me. I still believe in truly good people. I still believe I will be rewarded for the amount of good karma I pour into the mix I’m a part of, because I know everything that goes, always comes back around.
Yes, I know it’s weird that the snow bums me out so bad, but I can’t help it. What am I supposed to say? I just hate being so cold, I hate how bad it makes the roads, I hate how ugly brown it turns so quickly. I fucking hate that it kills everything and I hate that it keeps the sun away. It’s only delaying me from feeling warm again. Fuck winter, seriously.