And baby, it is working out wonderfully so far. Thank you for making me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. How could I have gotten so lucky? It still takes me by surprise sometimes, but I know there are no more surprises here. This is love, and this is what it feels like.
Sometimes everything is so strange but I always manage to see the beauty, too.
Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination.
This blog has become a “Let’s Talk About Nothing But Jay” blog. It’s not like I don’t have other shit going on, it’s just that I don’t care to write about it. I could sit here and type about how I angry I am with Alejandro and Deanna for being the worst friends ever, I could sit here and talk about how lonely that shit made me feel. I could also talk about work and how fucked up it is to have to be the one to always take blame for shit, or how it makes me sad that my mom can’t accept the fact that I’m in love with someone she just doesn’t know. Also, I’ve been attracting men like crazy lately, and I don’t like it. I certainly don’t wanna write about that because of how much it annoys me. Going back to school, and exercising, and missing my friends .. that stuff is ALWAYS on my mind. But all of these things, for some reason, I just don’t feel the need to write about them. I deal with things the minute I’m faced with them. I don’t really carry useless emotions like anger, and I realize that shit could always be worse. Everything could always be worse. My life, right now, is good. My man is sweet to me, and I finally see a way outta all this mess. That’s more than I can say for myself even 3 months ago. All forward motion counts.
Even when I do my best to go out places, meet with friends, keep myself occupied.. something always finds me. Something that always reminds me of you!! It sounds silly, I know, but Tongue Tied just came on the radio and I’m boppin’ around with this smile on, just thinking of you. You’re my sunshine, truly.
You are the most important part of my life, and I love you unconditionally.
I hope you always know that.
If you want to be happy, be.
“WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING????”
You see the smile that’s on my mouth?
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed,
they don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am,
and they don’t know what I’ve been through like you do,
and I was made for you
I’ve been worrying about so many things lately. But, at the same time, it’s not like it keeps me from being happy. I’m still staying positive, you know? I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. It’s just that I feel more lonely than ever, which is making things harder than ever. I worry so much when I’m feeling lonely, thus the reason I’ve been worrying about so many things lately.