Free as a Bird

Hello, beautiful.

You are the first I’ve seen this year.

You have no idea how happy I am to see you.

Fuck.

This is not happening again. I would do anything to prevent this from happening again but if we don’t exchange our words, then there is truly nothing I can do for you, or for us, or for this happening.  Again.

You tell me you don’t need me, 
and I’ve got to go on,
‘cause tomorrow’s another day in this city…

I’m trying my very best to be who I believe I should be. It’s difficult to feel like everyone needs to be pleased with me all the time, but there’s this side of me emerging that’s just ready to throw up a middle finger to anyone who’s questioning me.  Maybe I deserve to be questioned. Maybe everyone should just leave me the fuck alone, because I will figure everything out, and because I can do it all on my own. I mean I always knew I’d struggle because I’m not the most useful kind of “smart” and I am virtually unskilled, but that doesn’t mean I’m hopeless.  ”I’m not together, but I’m getting there,” and so I just need to move along at my preferred pace. A pace that I believe will help me to thrive. So, fuck you if you think I’m going too slow; maybe you should slow down.

You can only control your own actions. Not other people’s reactions.

—Emily Giffin (Something Blue)

(Source: myquotelibrary)

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?

Where were you while we were getting high?

*sigh*

Up and down and up and down and I’m growing really fucking tired of all this but I’ll keep on fighting. I won’t ever give up, because while I know everyone is entitled to their own happiness, everyone’s gotta fight for what’s theirs.

Even after all this time 
The sun never says to the earth, 
“You owe Me.” 

Look what happens with 
A love like that, 
It lights the Whole Sky.

— Hafez 

I wish I was one of those people who could be fine alone, but I’m not. I need you. I need you to tell me how you care about me, I need you to want me. I need you to be here for me, and be gentle with me, and be patient with me.

I thought that was okay. I’m sorry if it’s not, mainly because it’s not like this is anything within my control.  But I still need you, and I still hope it’s okay.