I’ve been so off these past couple of days, and I’m pissed about it because I thought I was getting better. I need to stop being lazy and go to the doctor. I need to get myself out of this fucking depression, because even though some days it feels like things are changing, they’re not. Nothing is changing. Nothing has changed. What the fuck made me think otherwise? I’m still in the same shitty spot, struggling and broke and sad and lonely. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just having a bad stretch of days.
Your success and happiness lies in you. Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.
So I’ll do my part not to break your heart,
please don’t break mine
‘Cause I adore you
and I know for sure
you’re the spark on the sun
I love you, and I’m gonna love you. I’m gonna love you whether you’d like me to, or not. I’m not going anywhere, not even if you’d let me leave. I’m gonna love you whether you think you deserve my love, or not. I’m gonna love you no matter who else comes along, for me or for you, because no one else could ever touch the way I feel for you. Nothing could ever ruin this, not even the things I can’t help — I’m gonna love you no matter how short or long the distance between us. I love you, and I’m gonna love you, with my entire heart, for always. I promise.
Worked all last night.
Working all tonight.
Hopefully I’ll be able to pick up a shift tomorrow night, too.
Lately I’m feeling like this gross money-grubbing weirdo, but dude, I’m broke. I need a new jacket. I’m freezing all the time. And I need to take care of shit like car insurance and Christmas gifts. Oh .. and myself, more importantly. Yeah, myself. Most importantly.
Happiness is not something to be earned, or something you should have to work for. Everyone deserves to be happy without ties, without having to sacrifice anything in order to obtain and hold on to their happiness. Happiness just is. I mean, I know life gets tough sometimes and everyone has shit to deal with. But, that doesn’t mean that happiness should be far from your reach or that you should have to look hard to find it. I’ve learned (and very quickly, I might add) that if you have to dig through tons and tons of shit just to find the simple things that make you smile, you have a problem there. You gotta let the simple things make you smile. Often times, the simple things are the only things you can truly rely on, because a sunny day or a yummy cup of coffee or shirt that makes you feel good .. those are the things that are never gonna leave you. Those are the things that are always gonna make you happy.
I don’t sleep well, or enough, or at the right times. I like being awake in the middle of the night because I feel calm then, and I haven’t always been this way, so it’s been somewhat difficult for me to adjust. I have gotten used to sleeping a few hours here and there throughout the day/night. It’s not terrible, it’s just that I am starting to notice how much better I feel, mind and body, when I sleep from like .. 4 to 10. I’d like to stick to that most nights. That’s a good block of time for sleeping, I think, also because I seem to dream most during those hours. I really like dreaming, but I can do that without sleeping. I mean, I don’t know. I like to sleep, it’s just that quite often, I can’t help but see it as a waste of time. Weird, for sure, but I already said I like being awake in the middle of the night, so. But sleep is vital, and I know that, so I need to make sure I start sleeping enough. As a matter of fact, I am very sleepy right now. It’s only 2:30 but I worked all day, and my period cramps have had me feeling beat up since I opened my eyes this morning. Goodnight, world.
Sometimes it feels like someone took a knife, baby, edgy and dull,
and cut a six inch valley through the middle of my skull
At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet,
and a freight train running through the middle of my head and,
you can cool my desire
I’m on fire
AND IT NEEDS TO STOP. Come on, man. I felt better when I typed shit out here every single second of my life. And it’s not like I can’t anymore, it’s just that I don’t know what to talk about. Silly. Silly, I know, because this is my blog and I can type about whatever the fuck I wanna .. my ugly Christmas tree, or the fact that I got tackled by Tommy when I visited work last night, or about how my library books are close to overdue. Which means they’re due? HAHA. Damn. Okay.
So here’s me turning this pointless post into something somewhat .. informative. I’ve decided to seriously write about one thing a day, at least, and each topic can’t be the same as the day before. This post is for today, tomorrow’s will be more specific, and let’s see how many days I will keep this going for. I’m kind of excited, in a nerdy addiction to expression, kind of way. Does that make sense?? Who cares, it don’t even have to. Nothing has to. This is aaaaaaall mine.