I am not going to like this in the morning. I just wanna sleep. But right now, I am seriously crying because YOU are sad and I feel that bad, and because I can’t help you, and because I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t like it when you’re upset. You don’t talk to me when you’re upset. I just wanna make you smile. I hope you know I’d do anything to take your pain away.
so small sometimes.
Had another nightmare yesterday afternoon—
I was going nowhere and someday soon you’ll leave
Switch off the sound, turn this around
I wanna go back to where I found you
Always worried that I’m dying from some awful disease
Hide behind a smile ‘cause it seems like it pleases you
So go ahead and run
I know you’re the one
It doesn’t matter where you have gone to,
I wanna go back to where I found you
I’m thinking that you want me, too…
Jayboy is my rock. That
kid man is my world.
Sooner or later, everyone’s story has an unfortunate event or two. The solution, of course, is to stay as far away from the world as possible and lead a safe, simple life.
My friends are getting arrested because, collectively, they stole over 6,000 dollars from the company. WHAT THE FUCK. I can’t stop thinking about it. To write it out doesn’t even make it more real. At times, I have no words and just cannot comprehend. I’m just filled with fucking sadness and confusion. Other times I’m catching myself spewing my opinions, feelings, whatever. I just want this all to be over but right now, Carside is a serious shit show. It probably will be for a couple weeks and I am probably the only person they fully trust to work. The proof is in the schedule. I’m feeling a lot of pressure to be the person they rely on. I don’t exactly know how this is gonna pan out, considering all the dirty secrets that are enfolded into all this, and I don’t know if I should keep my mouth shut about Ryan. I’m in a position to royally fuck him over, but do I wanna have that weighing on my conscience? Ugh. I AM FUCKING STRESSED and I don’t know much of anything anymore. But, for sure, I do know that shit is not gonna be the same as it was. At all. And, cue the sadness.
Laying in bed, thinking of you and how much you mean to me. 3,000 miles between us; it never gets easier to have to put that in words. 3,000 miles, and I can feel that you’re sleeping now. I wish I could hold you. I wish I could kiss your face while you’re sleeping there.
- And it’s been nothing but workworkworkwork … saving all my pennies trying to make sure I’m straight to see GOOD OLD WAR on saturday.
- I wish I could paint, or play the piano, or drums. I need “something to do” every time I say, “THERE’S NOTHING TO DO!!!!”
- I am fucking lazy and it’s really starting to bother me.
- The weather has been so beautiful that I’m starting to think January and February are gonna suck big time.
- Jay and I have resumed our normal interaction. A mix of belly laughs, a bit of sexual tension, the hope that we’ll see each other soon. I think we’re perfect together. We always have been. But, maybe even this time, things are better than the last.
- I was thinking, it’s not even terrible that I don’t see Christine anymore. I feel almost 100% better now a year later, and the only reason there’s an “almost” is because like I said earlier .. I still feel really lazy. That’s not like me. That needs to stop.
- COACHELLA. I wanna go to Coachella and I think I may just do that.
I’d like to write about random things and post it, no matter how short or long the post, but my OCD and/or weird brain only allows me to write about things “of substance” or things that “fit well” within the “current vibes” of my blog.
And that, ridiculous as it seems, is the honest truth.